Imagine the Outcry

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BREAKING: A series of larger-than-life statues of Hilary Rodham Clinton, Al Gore, and John Kerry will soon be on display throughout significant places in this great United States. Even though each of these three lost an election, the statues are meant to honor our past and heritage. Therefore, no one should ever, and I mean ever, challenge the fact that they were created and placed in a location where future generations can see it. There’s no political agenda here. Their legacy shall be honored and maintained forever. Anyone who believes they should be taken down is unpatriotic, disrespectful, and un-American.

Town Gathering

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Speaker at podium:  Good evening, everyone.  I’m absolutely thrilled to see all of you here tonight at our monthly town hall meeting.  Thanks to those who RSVP’d beforehand and scanned their phones as they entered.  We have nearly 100% of the registered voters here, I’m told, and many of you, I can see, have brought your children.  Having an accurate count of adults and children in attendance for these Town Hall meetings will lead us to a successful exchange of ideas.

As you can see on this large screen behind me, we have a number of issues to discuss tonight.  Some, as you can already tell, are going to be easier than others.  We had them randomized by a supercomputer in another township so we couldn’t be accused of playing favorites.

1st Man in attendance:  You misspelled “Equipment” on number three there!

Speaker:  Oh, you’re right.  Let’s change that.  Thank you.  Now, the first topic tonight is the road constructions on Hollis–

2nd Man in attendance:  Is this gonna take long?  I gotta work in the morning.

Speaker:  We hope not to keep anyone too long.  However, those in attendance are free to go when necessary.

1st Man:  Isn’t it Hollis Boulevard?  You have Hollis Street on the sign.

1st Woman:   It’s Street, you dumb ass!  I’ve lived there for sixteen years; I think I know the name of my street!

2nd Man:  It used to be Hollis Boulevard when I was younger.  They musta changed it recently.

3rd Man:  Mr. Speaker.  When will the construction zones be finished?

Speaker:  Thank you for getting back to the subject.

4th Man:  Kiss-ass.  Do you suck his dick after this meeting too?

2nd Woman:  Please, everyone.  My children are here too.

4th Man:  Well, they’re gonna need to learn this language eventually.  Tired of you people raisin’ a bunch of pussies!

5th Man:  You can’t talk to my wife like that!

1st Man:  Guys, did you know the new Game of Thrones was on tonight?  How could they schedule this meeting at the same time?  Let’s wrap this up!

3rd Woman:  I’ve never seen that show.  I don’t care if I miss the new episode.  I want to know about the new playground equipment listed at number 3.

Speaker:  We plan to get to that one soon.

5th Man:  Wait, isn’t tonight the last game of the playoffs too?  I’m actually pissed I’m here and not at home right now.

3rd Man:  Who you rooting for to win?

5th Man:  I think the reigning champs are gonna repeat!

2nd Man:  You dipshits still watch sports?  Don’t you have any real work to do at your homes?

4th Man:  It’s sad, isn’t it?  Here I am at this meeting giving up MY valuable time when I could be at home doing something productive.

Speaker:  Folks, folks!  I’d love for us to all be a part of something productive.  We have a list, and we’d like to get the conversation started on the roads along Hol–

3rd Woman:  We don’t even watch TV anymore.  There’s nothing but junk and blasphemy on every channel.

2nd Woman:  You’re so right.  We let our little Charles watch cartoons for about an hour a day.  My husband put a control on the TV that shuts it off whenever–

4th Man:  Nobody cares, bitch!

4th Woman:  Okay, that’s it.  Mr. Speaker, can we get this guy outta here?

Speaker:  We appreciate your concern, but we do not want anyone dismissed from this.  We respect free speech, and we want your voices heard on these very important iss–

4th Man:  You don’t speak for me, cocksucker!  I’m not going anywhere unless I decide to leave.  I’ll take on all of you if that’s what it takes!

2nd Man:  Oh my god, guys!  You’ll never guess which celebrity just died!

1st Woman:  I hope it wasn’t that man from all those movies I watch all the time with my family.  How will I explain it to them?

Speaker:  Ladies and gentlemen.  The construction for Hollis Boule—Street!  is set to be finished by December 31.

All in attendance:  WHAT????!!!

1st Man:  You told us last month that it would be done sooner and under budget!

2nd Woman:  I planned on travelling through there for the holidays.  I guess my Christmas is ruined.

4th Man:  Ha!  Merry Fucking Christmas, ya idiots!

3rd Man:  We’re Jewish.

4th Man:  Nobody cares about that either!

Speaker (covers the mic and turns to his consultant):  You said meeting them in person would be different than online.  You owe me a beer.

2nd Woman:  I heard that!   Alcohol is a sin!!!

 

 

Who’s the Parent, Here?

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I just read a student’s essay where she recalls being 8 years old, with her younger siblings, and stuck outside her locked house for over an hour in the middle of winter. All because her parents were at work. Oh, and the girl’s mother also told her she could “skip lunch” since she was a little chubby at the time. The essay is about a neighborhood woman who took it upon herself to help this young girl and her siblings by providing warmth and food. To me, the neighborhood woman is by far a better parent than either of her actual parents.

it takes a village

The House on the Highway (2017 early draft)

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transport1

Rain again.

Pre-school day.

The boy is sleepy

But becomes alert when reminded

Of school.

He’s dressed in minutes

His cowlick sprayed out

My shirt is stained

But I cover it with a sweater

That wasn’t tight last month.

 

Coffee.  The boy

Asks for a leftover doughnut.

We say goodbye

To a sleepy mama.

She Misses

Coffee but rubs

Her pregnant belly and Ooohs—

She mumbles something about having a lot to do.

 

Will the missus miss us?

 

We’re a mile away from her

And home when

The first red light stifles

Our progress

Toward timelessness.

I hate being late.

Rain hardens, stiffens,

Strengthens.

The sky sends pellets

And creates tension inside me

While each droplet is just doing its job.

Green light.  No movement.

The head of the driver in front of me is visible

In the side mirror.  He’s

Clearly looking at his phone.

I honk and say something

The missus wishes

I wouldn’t say when the boy is around.

Or ever.

Seconds pass.  The guy looks

Up and eases forward.

Waveless.

My tension heightens.

No recognition of fault.

No request for my forgiveness.

 

Another point-eight miles of green lights.

The next stop is my our turn.

The left-turning lane fills behind me

As the rest of the east- and west-bounders

Pound down the splashy path.

A long, loud transporter

Booms by on the right,

Bearing a modular home.

Look at that house, I say.

He of course looks for a stable structure

Off the road

Whoa, he says, in wonderment.

Is there people in there, daddy?

Not likely, I say.  But I can’t stop thinking about

Its future inhabitants.

 

Where are they at this moment?

Waiting at the lot?

A few cars behind?

Boxing up picture frames

And kitchen utensils in another area code?

Did they pick the color?

Is this their forever home?

<<EEEEEP!!!>>

Will this rain ever quit?

<<BLAAMMM—BLAAMMMM!!!!!!!>>

The impulse to turn around has never been stronger.

The missus misses us.

We miss her.  Work should wait some days.

Daddy?

Yes?

I’m glad you’re taking me to school today.

My son really says this just like that.

I stick a sleeve out my window

To wave my apologies to the cars behind me.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Impromptu Poem (4/25/2017)

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Here.  Read this.

Read the part below.

The poem.

I’m reading–actually skimming–through student poetry submissions

It’s an expected lot hyphen hyphen (dash)

Some are printed requests for the healing to begin;

Others are verse about how quote funny unquote quote life unquote can be;

A handful of energetic pieces that st-

re-

tch imagination

(s) dot dot dot

So far just 1 has grabbed me

1 just slapped me upside my head.

The poet wrote

about how consumed we are with ourselves

and how little w-

e

talk

and

share

and

love

and

be

in this oneandonlyworld

You see there were 4 stanzas

And Line 2 of Stanza 1

Became Line 1 of Stanza 2

and so forth

while keeping the fl-

ow

and never losi-

ng or dis-

connecting

And I think it’s the strongest so far because that’s what poetry should do,

friends.

It should turn our chin toward the sun

And our eyes away from the coals

It can warrant warmth

And suffocate sadness

And it can be structured

or

not

Because poetic license allows you

to walk down the escalators sometimes

even if they’re pushing you

before you’re ready

 

IvyLearn F2F Training in Fort Wayne

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The IvyLearn superusers and LMS experts have begun training at multiple campuses in Region 3 (Fort Wayne)!  Candy S. recently sent invitations to many upcoming training sessions.  Faculty, adjuncts, and staff can also contact one of the superusers to set up a time to train one on one.

Go to the Superuser List (statewide) to access the superuser list for Region 3 or any other region.

Date/Time

Topics

Location

SuperUsers / LMS Experts

Tuesday

March 7

8:00-9:00 AM

IvyLearn Level 1: Basic Navigation, Profile Set Up, and Notification Adjustments, Syllabus Updates

Student Life

SL129

Theo Eagleson

Lindsay Adams

Steve Lively

Tuesday

March 7

9:00-10:00 AM

IvyLearn Level 2: Transitioning Content from Blackboard to IvyLearn

Coliseum Campus

CC2366

Theo Eagleson

Lindsay Adams

Steve Lively

Tuesday

March 7

12:00-1:00 PM

Blackboard to IvyLearn: What are the differences? Come find out!

Student Life

SL129

Heather Copen

Tuesday

March 7

3:30-4:30 PM

IvyLearn Level 2: Transitioning Content from Blackboard to IvyLearn

Coliseum Campus

CC2308

Frank Garro

Thursday

March 9

8:00-9:00 AM

IvyLearn Level 1: Basic Navigation, Profile Set Up, and Notification Adjustments, Syllabus Updates

Student Life

SL129

Theo Eagleson

Lindsay Adams

Steve Lively

Krystyl Dumas

Thursday

March 9

9:00-10:00 AM

IvyLearn Level 2: Transitioning Content from Blackboard to IvyLearn

Tech Center

TC1400

Theo Eagleson

Lindsay Adams

Steve Lively

Krystyl Dumas

Thursday

March 9

12:00-1:00 PM

Blackboard to IvyLearn: What are the differences? Come find out!

Student Life

SL129

Heather Copen

Thursday

March 9

3:30-4:30 PM

IvyLearn Level 2: Transitioning Content from Blackboard to IvyLearn

Coliseum Campus

CC2308

Phyllis Wiegmann

Date/Time

Topics

Location

Tuesday

March 21

8:00-9:00 AM

IvyLearn Level 1: basic navigation, how to add content, vocabulary, and basic functionality

Student Life

SL129

Theo Eagleson

Lindsay Adams

Steve Lively

Tuesday

March 21

12:00-1:00 PM

Blackboard to IvyLearn: What are the differences? Come find out!

Tech Center

TC1480

Heather Copen

Tuesday

March 21

3:30-4:30 PM

IvyLearn Level II- IvyLearn Transitioning Content/Uplifting

Coliseum Campus

CC2374

David Jones

Heather Copen

Frank Garro

Thursday

March 23

8:00-9:00 AM

IvyLearn Faculty Connection- The Grading Center

Student Life

SL129

Theo Eagleson

Lindsay Adams

Krystyl Dumas

Thursday

March 23

9:00-10:00 AM

IvyLearn Level II- IvyLearn Transitioning Content/Uplifting

Tech Center

TC1400

Theo Eagleson

Lindsay Adams

Krystyl Dumas

Thursday

March 23

12:00-1:00 PM

Blackboard to IvyLearn: What are the differences? Come find out!

Tech Center

TC 1480

Heather Copen

Thursday

March 23

3:30-4:30 PM

IvyLearn Level I- IvyLearn Fundamentals: Basic navigation, how to add content, vocabulary, and basic functionality

Coliseum Campus

CC2308

Nicole Treesh

Phyllis Wiegmann

Date/Time

Topics

Location

Tuesday

March 28

8:00-9:00 AM

IvyLearn Fundamentals- How to Import Content:

Student Life

SL129

Theo Eagleson

Lindsay Adams

Steve Lively

Tuesday

March 28

9:00-10:00 AM

IvyLearn Faculty Connection- The Grading Center:

Coliseum Campus

CC2366

Theo Eagleson

Lindsay Adams

Steve Lively

Tuesday

March 28

12:00-1:00 PM

Blackboard to IvyLearn: What are the differences? Come find out!

Student Life

SL129

Heather Copen

Tuesday

March 28

3:30-4:30 PM

IvyLearn Fundamentals- How to Import Content:

Coliseum Campus

CC2374

Theo Eagleson

Heather Copen

Frank Garro

Phyllis Wiegmann

Thursday

March 30

8:00-9:00 AM

IvyLearn Fundamentals- How to Import Content

Student Life

SL129

Theo Eagleson

Lindsay Adams

Krystyl Dumas

Steve Lively

Thursday

March 30

9:00-10:00 AM

IvyLearn Fundamentals- How to Import Content

Tech Center

TC1400

Theo Eagleson

Lindsay Adams

Krystyl Dumas

Steve Lively

Thursday

March 30

12:00-1:00 PM

IvyLearn Fundamentals- How to Import Content

Student Life

SL129

Heather Copen

Thursday

March 30

3:30-4:30 PM

IvyLearn Fundamentals- How to Import Content

Coliseum Campus

CC2308

David Jones

Theo Eagleson

Nicole Treesh

Phyllis Wiegmann

UWT #3 – And This One’s Important!

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It’s been far too long since I provided my half-dozen readers (exaggerated for obvious reasons) with a fresh Unsolicited Writing Tip.  This is #3.  To find the first two, you will have to do some deep, Other-Net surfing.  Or click below.  It might come up automatically.

Today, a student cornered me (I really must stop exaggerating) after class and asked if beginning a sentence with the word “And” was acceptable.  I immediately thought of Mrs. Thompson, my fifth grade teacher.  She fit whatever you picture in your head to be the classic grammarian schoolteacher.   Mrs. Thompson also despised what she called “prison talk” among the boys at recess.  In those days, we were entrenched in insulting one another by lassoing one another’s maternal caretaker in a buffet of situations and twisted imagery.

For anyone who hasn’t seen the movie Finding Forrester (starring James Bond), here’s my very similar take:

Starting with any coordinating conjunction [and, but, or, for, nor, yet, so] is, from a technical view of writing, impossible.  One cannot “coordinate” anything if the first part isn’t there. You can’t plug your phone into a steel wall.

Yet, our language is far from a stagnant one, right?  For God’s sake, “howbowdah” is (probably) going to make it into Webster’s online dictionary next week.   Things change.  Language evolves right along with the species.

The point the young writer makes in the movie when told by Connery’s character that he’s breaking a firm rule is this:  Starting a thought with a conjunction can intentionally bring attention to it and thus impact him to the point of an awakening.  In street terms, your reader will get “woke” (I know I’m probably not using that right.  And I also know that a vast majority of you have ceased reading.)  The key–Rob Brown’s character and I agree–is that it should be used sparingly at most.

When I taught younger students, I discouraged the use of this technique, though it rarely arose in student writing.  As writers develop their voice into- and throughout adulthood, however, I think it’s proper to encourage experimentation and a general toying with our gorgeous language.

But it needs to stay within reason.  Students should still exhibit Standard English in their major works.  Perhaps more leeway would be afforded in a creative writing course.  And some professors have probably stopped caring about those types of rules by now.

Professional authors in multiple genres do it, so wouldn’t it be a bit hypocritical of us to suggest that it’s never to be done?   I think we can ease up on this one with the caveat that doing so cannot become a regular act.  And it must have impact.  So, try it out once or twice in a rough draft.  But no more than once in a final draft.  I hope you don’t get my fifth grade teacher, though.

There you have it.  If you have found this commentary useless, I’ll end with this tip:

 

So is your mom.