First Impressions and Other Nonsense That I’m Putting In Here and Including In The Title Even Though I Haven’t Started Yet


I think first impressions are pretty damn important. Think about the person you consider a “significant other” or, ya know…your “wife” or “lover” or “mistress.” What was your first impression of that person? Is it some CrAzY story you like sharing at cocktail parties or candle parties or weed parties?

Person: O.M.G., everyone! Did I ever tell you about the day I met (significant other)?

Listener: (to self) Dammit..I don’t care. (aloud) No! After all these minutes that I’ve known you, I don’t know that story!

Significant Other: Honey, the cops are on their way, hurry it up.

Most of us actually do have at least one mildly interesting “first impression” story involving someone we consider a friend or child or something. But this is usually only TERRIBLY important in the working world. When any of us had to listen to someone explain the intricacies of job interviews as they pertain to our respective fields or just in general, my guess is they all said essentially the same thing: Men, be firm and confident in yourself. Ladies, low-cut top or just find a man for god’s sake. Jesus, you REALLY think you have a chance in this world with that horrendous wardrobe? What’s that? Equality? RRIIIGGHHTT. Yes, you’ve chose the one field that doesn’t discriminate during the hiring process. Are those highlights? What’s your natural color? Really? Me too! We should totally blow this class and have a spa day..just us girls.

But I digress.

Which, I will admit, is a pretty lame thing to say when you want to sound educated. Just once, I’d like to hear someone say instead, “But, I have ADD and have forgotten my original point. I really wanted to stay focused this time, but these freakin’ meds aren’t effin working, and my mom’s been on my ass to go back to the therapist, and…it’s just too much! So, yeah, I guess I’m digressing.”

Okay…here’s my thing: it’s hard enough to interview for a job. If you are the interviewer, whether it be tomorrow or in ten years, just remember that the person on the other side of your enormous desk or that really expensive clipboard is nervous, poor, and needs to work. Disregard their possible body odor for just one second and look at them as a human being. No, higher. Where here eyes are. People deserve chances in this world. Maybe not fifth, sixth, or ninetieth chances (i.e. any lousy Republican money-grubbing, gun-loving, white-collar protecting rat-bastard–let’s get those guys out ASAP, folks!), but chances. We’re none of us infallible. We need to let our guard down and have a little faith.

because ya gotta have faith

a-faith, a-faith, a-faith–ah

I usually conclude with some witty reference to something earlier in the piece. Like, i was considering contradicting myself and saying to give all people second chances, even if they get married or get high. It’s not the greatest, so I wasn’t sure. What? Really? Thanks! Yeah, it’ll work I guess.

So, to put this to bed, I’ll just say that all people need to be forgiven for choices that may have been made in haste or in bad taste…like trying maryjane or marriage. Let’s help each other out.

GD republicans…