Just Wait

Standard

Her:  Phew!  I’m exhausted.  You wouldn’t believe my day.

Him:  Hi there.  Welcome home.

Her:  Did you get the mail?

Him:  ….

Her:  Can you put down your phone and answer me?

Him:  Sorry.  What?

Her:  The mail.

Him:  No.  I was going to–

Her:  I’ll get it.

Him:  …

Her:  What a surprise.  Bills, bills, and more bills.  What did you do today?

Him:  Hm?  Oh.  Not much.

Her:  Did you look for a j– C’mon.  I’m trying to talk with you.  Can you stop playing that game?

Him:  I’m not playing a game.

Her:  Did you find anyone hiring?

Him:  Um…I tried.

Her:  You’re lying.

Him:  …

Her:  You can’t even look at me, can you?  I know you’re lying and you just want me to stop nagging you about getting a job, don’t you?  Fine.  Ya know what, fuck this.

Him:  Did you hear something?

Her:  What?

Him:  I think I heard something.

Her:  Don’t you dare pick up that phone!

Him:  Just a second.

Her:  Goddammit!

Him:  Please don’t!  I just called–!

Her:  Who the fuck are you calling?

Him:  Oww!  What are you doing!  Stop it!

Her:  You love this phone so much, why don’t you fucking shove it up your ass!?

Him:  Wait.  Please!

Her:  We’re fucking done.  You know that?  I just can’t anymore with this bullshit!

Him:  Don’t leave me!

Her:  Don’t you dare try to fucking find me!

Him:  (into phone) Hello?

Voice:  Sir?  Yes, we’re here.  This is the national suicide prevention hotline, and we’ve been listening for several minutes now.  Can you tell me your name?

Advertisements

Liquid Soapbox

Standard

You found it!  The secret bottom tab with all the really JUICY commentary!

Need an explanation for the name?  It’s simply a moniker I created to describe a metrosexual who thinks he has something important to point out from time to time.

I’ll put all types of writing here that doesn’t quite fit into the other categories.  While I never really set out to offend, it’s bound to happen.  Who am I?  No one, really.  Just a guy who is using technology to exert some built-up mental tension.

First Impressions and Other Nonsense That I’m Putting In Here and Including In The Title Even Though I Haven’t Started Yet

Standard

I think first impressions are pretty damn important. Think about the person you consider a “significant other” or, ya know…your “wife” or “lover” or “mistress.” What was your first impression of that person? Is it some CrAzY story you like sharing at cocktail parties or candle parties or weed parties?

Person: O.M.G., everyone! Did I ever tell you about the day I met (significant other)?

Listener: (to self) Dammit..I don’t care. (aloud) No! After all these minutes that I’ve known you, I don’t know that story!

Significant Other: Honey, the cops are on their way, hurry it up.

Most of us actually do have at least one mildly interesting “first impression” story involving someone we consider a friend or child or something. But this is usually only TERRIBLY important in the working world. When any of us had to listen to someone explain the intricacies of job interviews as they pertain to our respective fields or just in general, my guess is they all said essentially the same thing: Men, be firm and confident in yourself. Ladies, low-cut top or just find a man for god’s sake. Jesus, you REALLY think you have a chance in this world with that horrendous wardrobe? What’s that? Equality? RRIIIGGHHTT. Yes, you’ve chose the one field that doesn’t discriminate during the hiring process. Are those highlights? What’s your natural color? Really? Me too! We should totally blow this class and have a spa day..just us girls.

But I digress.

Which, I will admit, is a pretty lame thing to say when you want to sound educated. Just once, I’d like to hear someone say instead, “But, I have ADD and have forgotten my original point. I really wanted to stay focused this time, but these freakin’ meds aren’t effin working, and my mom’s been on my ass to go back to the therapist, and…it’s just too much! So, yeah, I guess I’m digressing.”

Okay…here’s my thing: it’s hard enough to interview for a job. If you are the interviewer, whether it be tomorrow or in ten years, just remember that the person on the other side of your enormous desk or that really expensive clipboard is nervous, poor, and needs to work. Disregard their possible body odor for just one second and look at them as a human being. No, higher. Where here eyes are. People deserve chances in this world. Maybe not fifth, sixth, or ninetieth chances (i.e. any lousy Republican money-grubbing, gun-loving, white-collar protecting rat-bastard–let’s get those guys out ASAP, folks!), but chances. We’re none of us infallible. We need to let our guard down and have a little faith.

because ya gotta have faith

a-faith, a-faith, a-faith–ah

I usually conclude with some witty reference to something earlier in the piece. Like, i was considering contradicting myself and saying to give all people second chances, even if they get married or get high. It’s not the greatest, so I wasn’t sure. What? Really? Thanks! Yeah, it’ll work I guess.

So, to put this to bed, I’ll just say that all people need to be forgiven for choices that may have been made in haste or in bad taste…like trying maryjane or marriage. Let’s help each other out.

GD republicans…